My daughter and I saw the movie Cheaper by the Dozen last night. A great family film: fun, funny, and highly entertaining for both children and adults. As the title indicates the film is about a couple with 10 children. Ten children who incessantly fight, banter, and call each other names. Very entertaining behavior on the big screen but not so funny when it is acted out at your dinning table. Although name calling is normal behavior it can drive parents crazy and hurt our children?s tender hearts. How do we teach them to stop with the name calling?

Like everything else, if you want to see more of a desirable behavior you have to first model it yourself. Even in families where the parents do not ascribe to name calling, the children often do. The key is to eliminate all negative descriptors from your vocabulary when talking to your children. The easiest way to get this under your skin is to think opposites. For example, your child is being rude. Instead of saying ?don?t be rude? say, ?it is important that you speak politely.?  Or instead of saying ?you are being mean to your little sister? try saying, ?I know that you can treat your sister with kindness, please do so.? Or if your child leaves the fridge door open, instead of saying ?you were careless? say ?it is important to be careful and close the fridge door tightly.? By replacing negative labels with positive ones you are setting a higher goal for your child to ascribe to. Also, your positive label helps them to develop a positive self-concept. If their audio is primarily a negative track (you are bad, you are being mean, don?t be careless, selfish, etc) they will believe those words accurately describe who they are. They will grow up believing negatively about themselves. The danger here is that children will behave consistently with those negative beliefs.

The words we use with our children are powerful building blocks. They shape and influence the kind of people our children will become. Choose your words carefully ? make them reflect your child?s highest potential.